Often, the women I work with will be able to tell their friend exactly how to push back on management and advocate themselves. They might even spend an hour helping their friend rehearse it over the phone. However, on their own, they would procrastinate on it for months.
A lot of senior women in tech get bumped off the technical track and into people management. Because it’s a complement of “you are so good with the team”, so you should do this.
It’s a right fit some of the times. At other times, it’s the org changing your value because you are a woman.
The data shows women get promoted into management at lower rates than men.
And it compounds over time according to report by LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Company and is “the single biggest structural obstacle women face on the path to senior leadership”.
Highest Performers Advocate the Least Which Is Troublesome (What I See in Coaching)
Unfortunately, the best performers are often the women that struggle and have a hard time instinctively advocating for themselves. They have deep expertise and are known around the office for getting it done. You’d think confidence to advocate for themselves would come with it. It doesn’t in my experience.
High performers often build their entire identity around the work being enough to prove it. And in an ideal world of meritocracy, they would not have to do any self-advocating.
We don’t live in an ideal world.
It’s how the highest performers often get overlooked for years where others who perform worse, make more errors, get promoted before them.
There’s a hidden fear, which is “If I have to point to my own work, doesn’t that mean it wasn’t good enough?”.
And “if I have to point out what I’m doing, doesn’t that mean people will nitpick it for errors?”… I have a error-free reputation to uphold.
No. It means you work in an organization run by busy, distracted humans who aren’t tracking your contributions as closely as you are.
In fact, you may be contributing so much that you don’t even realize how much you are contributing. So you don’t feel as confident as you should.
You’ve probably forgotten more than you realize. You need to realize that getting credit for your work is part of your job requirement.
Let’s talk about what’s really holding you back.
Build the Case Before You Need It: Visibility, Not Volume
You don’t have to work on a whole new personality, I’m going to go over how to increase your visibility.
Record everything that you do. You can voice dictate it at the middle of each day or at the end of each day to make it easier for yourself.
Every thing you shipped, every fire you put out, every fire you prevented from happening before it even happened. Do it now because you are not going to remember in four months as more work gets piled on.
One of the most common mistakes is putting this off. You get more work in the future which means you’ll forget more of what you’ve accomplished.
Even pro-athletes and olympians keep a journal of what they’ve accomplished to remind themselves. They also fall in confidence and looking back at what they’ve done helps.
In your one-on-ones with your manager, that is the chance to make sure what you are doing is understood. That is the chance to control the narrative.
Besides just updates on the latest roadblock, bring up a decision you’re proud of, a goal you’re aiming at, a problem you took the lead on.
Work on two-sentence version of what you’re working on and why it matters. Call it a personal brand, call it an elevator pitch, call it whatever.
The point is that when someone asks, you have an answer that they can pitch to their managers instead of “oh, you know, the usual.”
Call it self-promotion, call it whatever you want, because that is the way to get your promotion.
Want help turning years of wins into a pitch your manager can’t ignore?
Advocating in the Age of AI: Argue for Meaningful Work
This has come up in a lot of conversations I’ve had this year.
A lot of women in tech tell me they’re worried about becoming, in their words, “glorified AI prompters,” pushed to churn out code on top of a tool while the interesting, judgment-heavy work quietly moves elsewhere.
This is actually a self-advocacy issue. If you say nothing, the default is that you get handed whatever’s fastest to hand off.
Advocating means specifying exactly the work you’ll like to be doing. Whether it’s the architecture, the strategy, or the decisions that need a human who actually understands the system. Presenting yourself and making the pitch that you’re the person who can do it.
Not “please don’t automate me.” More like “here’s where I create value the tool can’t, and here’s the role I want to grow into.”
What To Do When Self-Advocacy Isn’t Working
I’m going to be honest because a lot of guides you see here just present it like it can only possibly go well.
Self-advocacy doesn’t always pay off. Sometimes you do everything right but you are still stuck.
It’s tempting to think that you are doing things wrong and you should self-advocate less when nothing changes.
If you’ve advocated repeatedly and nothing happens, that’s a sign of your workplace. Women often make the mistake of thinking it’s a 100% reflection of their work when they are not being seen.
Treat persistent stuckness as a signal to leave.
Here is the checklist:
- Have I asked, directly, more than once?
- Do I have a mentor or a support system who can tell me whether I’m the problem or the place is?
- Do I want to stick with this place that’s been holding me back for years or start looking?
Some of the most freeing moments I’ve seen come when a woman stops trying to be heard by a room that decided not to listen. The woman then can redirect that energy to more productive tasks like job search and interviewing which can actually move their career forward.
Don’t get stuck in indecision. If you’re feeling stuck, I’m here to help.
Ready for a plan to move your career forward? I’m one call away.