You’re at a networking event. Or a school pickup. Or a friend’s birthday party. Someone you’ve just met turns to you with a bright, casual smile and asks the question: “So, what do you do?”
And you freeze.
If you’re between jobs, in a career transition, building something new, or simply not ready to summarize your entire professional life into one neat sentence, that question can feel like a tiny ambush. I hear it from clients almost every week, and it came up so clearly in a recent conversation I had with leadership coach Greta Petrushka that I wanted to write a whole piece about it.
In the clip above, you’ll hear our guest Amy ask Greta and me exactly this question: “how do you introduce yourself when you don’t have a clean title to point at?” What follows in this article is the fuller answer, expanded into the practical toolkit I wish every woman had before she walked into her next event.
Why “What Do You Do?” Hits Different When You’re in Transition
The question itself is almost always asked innocently. It’s a social shorthand, especially in the U.S., and especially on the West Coast. In the US, especially in the Bay Area, work is woven so tightly into identity that “Who do you work for?” is often the very first thing someone asks at a party. I moved to Silicon Valley after years in Europe, and the directness of it took me a long time to get used to.
But when you’re between jobs, or in the middle of a long, uncertain pivot, that little question stops being small talk. It activates a much bigger one: who am I if I’m not what I used to be?
Greta, who spent 13 years at McKinsey before moving to the U.S. and finding herself unexpectedly unemployed two days after her relocation, described the experience as her whole identity-building collapsing overnight. The next day, no one was calling. There was no title to lean on.
Two points I want to make. First, you don’t feel like you have to justify yourself and summarize everything in one elevator pitch line, it’s just the start of the conversation. Second, with just a small amount of preparation, you can walk into any room with an answer you actually feel good about, and you don’t have to wait until you have a new job to do it.
If your inner monologue has been spinning on this for weeks, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Coaching gives you a structured space to find an answer that feels both honest and confident.
The Mistake Most People Make at Networking Events
When we don’t know how to answer “what do you do?”, most of us reach for one of two scripts, and neither one works well.
The first is the apology script: “Oh, well, I was at [Big Company] for ten years, but I left a few months ago, and I’m sort of figuring out what’s next, and…” The energy of the apology lands before the words do. The person across from you receives the message that this is an uncomfortable topic and they should change the subject. They usually do.
The second is the over-explanation script: a two-minute monologue covering every project, side hustle, freelance gig, and “I’m also exploring…” you can fit into one breath. It’s the opposite problem. You’re trying so hard to prove you’re not just sitting at home that you lose the thread of who you actually are. The listener will lose the thread too.
The good news is there’s a third option, and it has nothing to do with having a perfect title. It’s about leading with what you’re building, not what you’ve lost.
Five Ways to Answer “What Do You Do?” Without Flinching
These are the reframes I use with clients, and several of them came directly from the conversation with Greta. Try them out loud before your next event.
1. Lead with what you’re building, not what you used to be
Instead of “I used to be at Google,” try “I’m building my next chapter, currently exploring [the space you’re curious about].” The word building is doing real work here. It signals momentum, choice, and direction without requiring a title. It also invites a follow-up question that you control.
Formula: “I’m building my next chapter — currently exploring [the space you’re curious about].”
2. Borrow the courage reframe
Greta said something in our conversation that stuck with me. When she first moved to LA and felt stuck introducing herself as “an immigrant,” she eventually realized that being an immigrant actually means courage and curiosity — and she didn’t have to stop at the label. The same is true for “between jobs” or “in transition.” Those phrases carry hidden strengths: clarity, intention, the willingness to choose something better instead of staying in something that no longer fit. You’re allowed to lead with the strength, not the gap.
Formula: “I’m in transition — choosing what comes next instead of staying in something that no longer fit.”
3. Use a value or an impact, not a title
If your job for ten years was “Senior HR Business Partner,” your title was the container. Your contribution was the thing inside the container. The contribution travels with you. Try “I help leaders build healthier teams,” or “I work with companies on people strategy,” or “I help senior women navigate big career decisions.” A value-based or impact-based answer doesn’t require a current employer, and it tends to be far more memorable than any title would have been anyway. It’s also a lot easier to understand for people who aren’t directly in the space.
Formula: “I help [who you serve] with [the meaningful thing you do for them].”
4. Turn the question back with genuine curiosity
This is one of my favorites and it works beautifully. “What about you, what brings you to this event?” Two things happen. You release yourself from the spotlight, and you collect information about the person across from you that helps you tailor whatever you choose to share next.
5. Give yourself permission to say “It’s not really one thing” – most people will follow where you lead them
If you don’t want to explain your whole life to a stranger at a party, you don’t have to. Greta put it bluntly in our conversation: it’s actually none of their business. You can wrap that boundary in a warm tone: “Right now it’s a mix of personal and professional things I’m working on, none of which fit neatly on a business card” and then move the conversation along. Most people will respect the boundary and follow where you lead them.
What to Say in Three Real-World Scenarios
The reframes above are flexible, but it helps to see what they sound like in actual conversations. Here are three of the most common settings my clients find themselves in.
At a casual networking event: “I’m in a transition right now, I left [industry or company] a few months ago and I’m exploring [the next space]. What about you?”
At a school event, kids’ birthday party, or social gathering: “Honestly, I’m in the middle of figuring out my next chapter. It’s been a really interesting season. What about your work?”
When a former colleague or industry peer asks: “I left [company] in [month]. I’m taking some time to be intentional about what comes next, instead of jumping straight into the first thing. I’d actually love your perspective, what are you seeing in the market?”
Notice what’s true across all three: a short, calm sentence about where you are, no apology, and a redirect that opens up the conversation. You’re not hiding anything. You’re just refusing to let one question put you on the defensive when there is no need to be.
What Not to Say (and What to Say Instead)
A few specific phrases come up over and over in client sessions, and almost all of them quietly diminish the person saying them. Here’s a quick reference of the most common ones, the swap I’d reach for, and why the second version lands better in the room.
| What I’d avoid saying | What I’d say instead | Why I prefer it |
|---|---|---|
| “I’m unemployed right now.” | “I’m a [Profession] in transition exploring my next opportunity.” | “Unemployed” is a payroll status. “In transition” is a decision. The second one invites a follow-up question; the first one closes the conversation. |
| “I used to be a [Title].” | “My background is in [Field].” | “Used to” makes your experience sound retired. “Background” makes it foundational — something you still carry into whatever comes next. |
| “I’m just doing a bit of freelance / consulting on the side.” | “I’m consulting with [client type] on [project type].” | The word “just” diminishes the very thing you’re spending your days on. Drop it. Your work is the work, even if the structure is new. |
| “I don’t really know what I’m doing right now.” | “I’m exploring roles in [Industry A] and [Industry B].” | The first answer makes the listener uncomfortable. The second gives them something they can actually help with — an introduction, a perspective, a referral. |
| “I got laid off from [Company].” | “I left [Company] earlier this year. I’m taking time to be intentional about what’s next.” | You don’t owe a stranger the layoff story. Save the longer version for people who have earned it. |
If you’d like a thought partner to help you refine your own version of these scripts — and the deeper confidence underneath them — that’s exactly the work we do together in coaching.
What to Do When the Question Still Throws You
Even with a rehearsed answer, the freeze can come back. Here’s a small set of practices that help.
Practice out loud before the event. Reading your answer in your head is not the same as saying it. Stand in front of a mirror, in the car, or to a partner, and say your line a few times. The mouth needs to know the shape of the words before the pressure of the room is on you.
Let your body lead. Stand a little taller, soften your shoulders, smile slightly before the words come. The other person’s brain reads your body language before they process the sentence. Calm body, calm question.
Have a self-compassionate fallback. If you fumble the answer entirely, that’s fine. “Honestly? I’m still finding the right one-liner for this season of my life.” lands as honest and human. Most people will appreciate it more than a polished pitch. You might also get some great ideas.
The Inner Work Required
Here’s the part I want to be honest about. You can rehearse all the right phrases, and they will still feel a little hollow if underneath them you don’t actually believe your worth lives somewhere other than your old job title.
That deeper work, separating your sense of self from your resume, is its own piece. And I’ve written about it in much more depth over here: Decoupling Self-Worth from Job Success During Career Change. If “what do you do?” keeps catching you off guard, the surface answer is a script. The lasting answer is rebuilding the part of you that knows it doesn’t need the script to be okay.
In the meantime, every time you practice one of the reframes above and notice the freeze loosening a little, that’s the work happening in real time.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I say at networking events when I don’t have a job title?
Lead with what you’re building, not what you’ve lost. A short, calm answer lands far better than an apology or an over-explanation.
How do I answer “What do you do?” when I was laid off and I’m still emotional about it?
Give yourself permission not to share the layoff at all in casual settings. “I left [company] earlier this year, and I’m taking time to be intentional about my next move” is honest and complete. The fuller story is for people you trust, not for someone who just asked a small-talk question. If the grief is still close to the surface, our piece on career transition anxiety may help, too.
Should I have a different answer for different settings?
Yes, and most people do this naturally for every other topic in their lives. Your answer at an industry conference can be a little more detailed than your answer at a neighbor’s barbecue. Practice two or three versions so you’re not improvising under pressure.
How long will it take before “what do you do?” stops feeling stressful?
It usually gets easier within a few weeks of consistent practice, partly because you’ve rehearsed the answer, and partly because each conversation that goes well builds evidence that you’re more than your last title. The shift is gradual, but it’s real, and almost every client I’ve worked with describes the relief on the other side.
Final Thoughts
“What do you do?” is going to keep coming up. There’s no avoiding it. But the question doesn’t have to keep catching you off guard.
The women I work with who navigate this best aren’t the ones with the cleverest scripts. They’re the ones who have done a little preparation, who have made peace with the fact that they’re in a chapter that doesn’t fit on a business card, and who lead with curiosity about the person in front of them. You can get there too, and probably sooner than you think.
If you want help building the version of this that’s specifically yours, I’d love to be part of the conversation.
You don’t have to figure out the perfect answer on your own. Let’s talk it through together on a free, no-pressure call.
Full Transcript of “Who Are You Beyond Your Title?”
A conversation between Claire Campion, Greta Petrushka, and an audience member, Amy
Speakers:
– Claire Campion — Career transition coach; formerly HR at Google and Grammarly; originally from Ireland
– Greta Petrushka — Leadership coach and people strategist; formerly McKinsey (13 years); moved from Europe to LA
– Amy — Audience member (former business owner, PR director, and nonprofit fundraiser)
CLAIRE: Hi everybody. Welcome to our discussion today on the topic of “Who are you beyond your title?” and thank you for joining. It’s great to see some of you here today. So before we jump into the discussion, let me introduce myself. My name is Claire Campion, I’m a career transition coach and I also worked in human resources for many years at companies like Google and Grammarly. And Greta, would you like to introduce yourself?
GRETA: Yes, absolutely. It’s nice to be here with you again, Claire. My name is Greta Petrushka. I’m a leadership coach and a people strategist, which means that I support companies to build human-centered workplaces. And before this, I worked for McKinsey for 13 years where I was leading the people function in Central Europe, and I was also supporting two tech companies also in the people space. So that’s me.
CLAIRE: Great. So I think between us — between our coaching backgrounds, our international backgrounds, and our backgrounds in human resources — that’s why this topic feels very relevant today for us to discuss.
GRETA: Yes, absolutely. And you know, you are reading the news as much as I do, and the question keeps on popping up in my mind like how people going through the transitions they are, you know, put through — and it’s sometimes it’s not by choice. And also, we went through quite a bit of transitions ourselves, so I guess this is the topic we are often discussing, so we thought that, you know, it might be helpful to share our perspective on this topic.
CLAIRE: Yeah, definitely. I would say as you mentioned, you know, every day I open my phone and I see the news, there is talk of companies doing layoffs, unfortunately, and it seems to be the new norm, I would say. And then, you know, in my business as a coach, when I’m talking to people, the big thing that many people are talking about is like adapting to change in the workplace. Because I think a number of years ago, the workplace was more stable. People had a job for as kind of as long as they wanted it, and you decided when you want to leave. And now things have changed very much, and companies are proactively restructuring on a regular basis. Unfortunately, people are losing their jobs, and then with the advent of AI, it’s just like a very turbulent time, I would say, at the moment.
GRETA: Yeah. And I would actually also add that, yeah, the current situation in workplaces is not great from this perspective, but I also believe that, you know, “who are you beyond the title” also comes to situations around being an immigrant, or choosing to become a mother and going back to work, or choosing a new career path, or even aging, you know? So there are so many life situations when this question might pop up in our head. So it’s kind of like, I feel like a universal question and can be applied to many different life circumstances.
CLAIRE: Yeah, for sure. And I think, you know, we’re both living in the US now. Definitely part of the US culture, and something that was very obvious to me when I moved here, is that part of your whole identity — like work is a huge part of your identity, definitely here on the West Coast of America. And maybe it’s because like Silicon Valley here, we have the big entertainment hubs in Los Angeles, but work makes up a huge part of someone’s identity. Yeah. What were your observations around that when you moved to the US? Was it a surprise for you, or was it something you were already kind of aware of before you moved over?
GRETA: I was definitely not aware of it. I actually found myself in a situation when everything I knew was kind of like stripped away from me. And again, it was by choice. I chose to move to the US. But I didn’t realize how difficult it is going to be for me without like — I don’t want to say like a significant title, but like when I worked for McKinsey, you know, it was a name and it was a brand and it was a prestige, and when I said that, everybody was kind of like recognized it, and it was a huge part of my identity. And so when I moved to the US, actually two days before, I was let go of my startup job. So suddenly I was unemployed and, you know, I was this immigrant lady and I didn’t really know how to deal with that and how to introduce myself. And of course, I pushed myself to go to all sorts of networking events because I had to build my community here and I also had to find a job. And when you only have like 90 seconds to introduce yourself and it has to be very impactful, and you don’t have a job, you don’t have a title — like how do you do that? It was actually very hard for me and I obviously found a way around it, but this is definitely not something I was prepared for. How did you manage this? How did you manage the West Coast culture from this regard?
CLAIRE: Yeah, I would say, you know, when I moved from Europe to the West Coast, I was already working with Google. So one of my first observations when I started socializing in Silicon Valley after-work drinks, you know, doing things at the weekends, the first question people would ask me in any kind of social circle was always “Who do you work for?” It was the very first question. And I definitely was taken aback in the beginning that this was always the first question people asked me, because coming from Europe, that’s not something I was used to. In Europe, when you would be out on a night out, that would come like maybe two or three hours into the conversation, if at all. So yes, when I responded, “Oh, I work for Google,” etc., because it was a prestigious company and still is very much, you know, you had that instant acceptance and instant gratification, and you were automatically part of like the tech club or the “in” club. So it did feel really nice, honestly. You didn’t have to explain who were Google and what did they do, people just instantly knew.
GRETA: Yeah. And there is — how should I say — it’s just nice and easy and smooth, right? You don’t need to explain yourself and you are part of the gang in a way. And you know, I was wondering, you spent like 11 years at Google and also you decided to leave Google, so it was on your own terms. Like what happened afterwards? Like how did you deal with the situation when your title and this whole package just disappeared from your life?
CLAIRE: Yes. One thing I would say is, you know, when you work at a company for that long, it’s not just, you know, your work. It becomes like your whole ecosystem because you travel a lot, you become friendly with people at work, you know, all of your benefits are done through the company — it’s almost like they look after 95% of your life. You also, because Google specifically is like a high-performance company and you work long hours, but you get to work on interesting stuff, but it does mean that you don’t have huge amounts of free time for hobbies or maybe spending as much time as you would like with your family. So when you offboard and you come out the other side from a company where you’ve given like so much of your time, your life, your friendships, there is a feeling of just like being disoriented because you’re like, “Okay, you know, I have to kind of build my whole ecosystem again.” Even — it may sound silly, but really basic things like, “I have to go and find a dentist, I have to go and find a doctor, I have to get a new phone.” Like, I almost felt like I was a child again doing all these things.
But for me, actually, by the time I left Google, I had made peace with it. I’d been there for 11 years, I’d done all the roles that I wanted to do, and I was ready for something new. But in the 18 months to two years before I left, I would say that’s when I had like the most turbulence internally because I was giving more of myself to the role than I wanted to give. But when you’re in a high-performance culture, you’re constantly being asked for more and more. And it’s very hard to say no because in these companies, you know, you’re rewarded by doing well, promotion, output, and all of your colleagues are doing the same. And you definitely feel like, you know, we’re all working towards this vision or this mission together. And so by not giving your all, it wasn’t something that sat comfortably with me. But then there was this constant tension between, “Okay, is this job aligned with where I am now in my life?” because my priorities are starting to change after eight, nine years.
GRETA: Yeah, absolutely. And thanks for sharing. And you know, I was just thinking that when I left McKinsey, it was almost like 100% of my identity was associated with work and everything I’ve done for work. And so again, it was my decision to leave the company, but it felt like the whole huge building I was building throughout many, many, many years by layers and layers and layers, it just collapsed over time. And, you know, the next day nobody is calling, you don’t feel you are creating impact. Okay, how to stay productive? You know, I was like, “Oh my god, I have time to just like watch a movie or like just like sleep properly,” which are very basic things.
But when this whole building collapsed, I’m like, “How am I going to rebuild everything?” And as you were saying, it’s not just work — it’s your community, it’s your friends, it’s your self-worth, it’s prestige, and everything, you know, your whole life. And actually, when I moved to LA and became an immigrant, I realized — and I went through a very similar pattern — like, okay, so how will I again rebuild from scratch? And I was devastated and this time I was even isolated from my family, my friends, everything I’ve known before. And during this isolation, I had to realize that I am not rebuilding from scratch. I didn’t have to start from zero because I have so much life experience. And, you know, I’m still learning and I’m still building my life, but there is so much I learned throughout the years that I can capitalize on that knowledge. And now when I’m talking about this, it’s so obvious, but when I was in this situation and in this mindset, it didn’t seem like that.
And I think the good news is when something collapses, you actually — or when you believe that something collapsed completely — you have the freedom to pick the building blocks which you will use to — and I don’t even want to say rebuild, but actually use to continue your life. And you know, that building might look completely different than the previous one, and that’s actually, I feel like that’s a luxury, that’s a great opportunity. And of course, you need to take the time to reflect and realize what are the elements which you like, which you want to build on and continue. But being in this situation is actually a great opportunity. And you know, after two years now, obviously I see it from a different lens, but that was the biggest learning for me in the past couple of transitions I went through.
CLAIRE: I definitely resonate with what you said. Like when I think about the different jobs I’ve had over my career, I kind of now think of them as like chapters in my life. So my life is a book, and then these are the different chapters. And when I leave a company, I’m like closing that chapter and moving on to the next one — sometimes with some sadness or some grief, but also on the other hand, you’re like excited for the future and for new things. I was going to ask you, when you look back on your long stint that you had at McKinsey and you think about like your identity, as we talked about, like being wrapped up in the job and you know, our whole lives, what would you say is like your biggest learning looking back on that now?
GRETA: Um, I would say that every situation is a learning opportunity. And you know, I had like a long run at McKinsey and I just grew so much, and I took all kinds of opportunities to improve myself and meet new people and actually just like learn and consume as much as I could to become a better version of myself, and McKinsey was a great place for that. Maybe one additional thing which I would highlight is that if I think about like how ambition kind of like brought me closer to myself versus kind of like drifted me away from myself — and I have to say that at the beginning, I was very much aligned with what I was doing and how things were going. And as I grew, as I became like more and more experienced, I realized that my value system also shifted. So what I was doing would not necessarily 100% align with who I am anymore. And I think you were also explaining this tension in yourself.
And I believe that when this happens, you have to give yourself space to reflect and realize that, “Okay, this situation is not serving me anymore, and how can I change it? Can I change it?” It’s always a question if you have power over it. Sometimes when you are working in huge companies and big corporations, usually you don’t have influence over how things are set up. So the question remains like, can you accept that or can you change yourself? And it might be that you cannot change yourself, so the way is the way out. But again, like giving yourself the space to think about it, reflect on it, it’s extremely important. And having the self-awareness that what is happening is not serving you anymore, it’s just extremely important and the catalyst to making the decisions which are best for you.
CLAIRE: Mhm. And I know we started this conversation today saying, you know, this topic is very topical right now. And one of the reasons is obviously because of all the layoffs that are happening. And so in those situations, people are not being given the choice. They’re not voluntarily leaving their company, they’re being told — they walk into work one day and they’re being told, “You know, unfortunately, we don’t need you anymore” or “We’re downsizing.” I was reading last night, in Meta, they’ve already announced they’re going to cut 8,000 people in the next few weeks, and there’s already kind of this panic amongst the workforce that is like, “Who’s staying? Who’s going?” and you know, the turmoil that goes with that. But for anybody watching this today, in terms of if you’ve been let go from a company and you have been in that situation where, you know, you were in the bubble of your company for the last number of years, what advice or things worked for you when you left McKinsey that helped you like almost shed that identity and then like move forward onto your next chapter?
GRETA: Honestly, I’m not sure I could fully shed it. It’s still part of my story and I’m — still when I’m introducing myself, I don’t start with work-related stuff, but at some point, it comes to the picture that I worked for McKinsey. So I don’t think I will be ever able to shed that. But what I would say, on one hand, process — like give yourself time to process because it’s not going to happen overnight. And probably the second would be ask for help, because if your work is so much part of your identity, the chances that you can pass through that alone is not super high, from my perspective. And, you know, I always valued — extremely valued — people’s opinion and advice and perspective who had longer life experiences or work experiences than mine. And I also believe that shifting perspectives are the most difficult. So you can say, “Oh my god, I worked for this company for 10 years. What am I going to do now?” and maybe someone comes in and helps you, you know, like put light on your strengths, your opportunities, and maybe if you start talking to people, you realize that there are, I don’t know, five other opportunities you can apply for. So obviously, like bringing in like outside-in perspective, that was very helpful for me and still is. And maybe the third one is really like reflect on your values and your strengths. I believe that going back to your values as the North Star is really, really critical, especially if you were part of an organization for 10 years. You just, you know, you just go with the flow and sometimes you don’t even know, “Is it still aligned with me?” because you are so much in survival mode and just pushing through and just focusing on performance, then you forget. And just like having an understanding of like your values as the base and the foundation, it was very helpful for me as well. How about you?
CLAIRE: Yeah, those are really good tips. You know, I was thinking about this last night when I was thinking about preparing for this call, and it took me some time to go through my brain and figure out like what were the things that intentionally worked when I left the company and what were kind of like nice-to-haves. So I would say, yeah, a few things. I think, you know, when you’re at a company for a long time, as we mentioned, a lot of your friends and colleagues are from that world, and so when you’re outside the company, you feel like, “Oh, I’m quite disconnected from like let’s say recruiters and people in other industries,” naturally so, because you’ve been busy with your job for a number of years. So I would say it’s like engaging with people from other industries, other companies, just to gain perspective. Because I think if you’re in a company for a long time, your perspective becomes very like — you may have the company view or you’re just like, you’re in a different seat. And so then when you’re like on the market looking for a new job, it’s engaging with people from different industries and not automatically dismissing some by saying like, “You know, oh, I used to work in tech so I’m only going to work in tech again” or “My background was in finance and I will only consider a finance company,” because the workforce is just changing so rapidly. I think that’s how jobs used to work, but now there’s a lot more like fungibility. And I think also if your title was like, I don’t know, Financial Analyst or Human Resources Business Partner, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can only look for that job again in the future. Like, you have to — sometimes we self-impose these rules on ourselves and you’re like, “I can only search for a job based on X because that’s my experience.” But also this is like a good time to like, as you said, re-evaluate. Look at what are your strengths, what are your interests, what are the things that motivate you — can you get a job that’s maybe more aligned with that?
I would say not — you mentioned this — not being afraid to ask for help, because sometimes when you leave these high-performance companies, like your ego is a little bit bruised or your pride, and you don’t want to ask for help. And I think some cultures, I would say, that’s ingrained more. I would say like being from Ireland, we are not necessarily the most support-coming and saying “I need help.” We’re usually brought up along the lines of, you know, “You’ll figure it out yourself” and “Just ask for help like if you really, really need it,” but otherwise kind of just take it in your stride and figure it out because everybody else is doing that networking and coffee chats and so on. And if you don’t start doing that, I feel like you may be a little bit behind.
GRETA: Yeah, I definitely, you know, double down on that. Like you never know like who you meet and what that meeting will trigger. So yes, and you know, when you are still in the phase of processing, especially when you were let go after many years, it’s hard to like put on a smiley face and go and network and share what you went through. I really understand that, but isolating ourselves is definitely not helpful. And also, I would say that trying to maintain a positive mindset — and I’m saying it with hesitation because I don’t want to signal like, you know, this toxic positivity or anything like that — but trust the process. And really like when you are ready, after you process the situation, go and meet with people and gain energy — and positive energy — from your surroundings. And what you were saying that especially when we work at jobs for many, many years, our friends and our community is part of our working relationships — so like shifting that and going to places which energizes us. So for example, I love painting, I love flowers, I love cooking. So just like thinking through like what energizes you and selecting different locations and communities which actually help you to meet people in the area which gives you positive energy. It helps mentally so much to go through the difficult period, or at least for me it was very, very helpful.
CLAIRE: Yes. And I think, you know, we talked about maybe at our last conversation that we did a few weeks ago that when you lose your job, typically you do go through like that cycle of grief — you’re angry and then you move into ultimately acceptance. But I do think you need to give yourself the time to move through that. And if you have lost your job, even if you have financial pressure or you are the main breadwinner, giving yourself at least a little bit of time to just process things and, as you said, like get to a place where that if you’re going for interviews, like you’re going to show up well and that you don’t want to show up like, you know, still carrying the baggage maybe from the last job or from the layoff. So it may sound counterintuitive because you think, “I have to get a job quickly, there’s lots of people on the job market. Go, go, go.” But taking that space to just reflect a little bit and figure out like, “What do I want to do? How can I find the silver lining in this situation?” Because while these things are unfortunate when they happen at the time — and I’ve also been laid off once in my life, so I’ve been there and I know it does feel really crappy, for want of a better word — a silver lining usually comes from it. And it may be like a few months later, but ultimately something good will come out of it or an opportunity that you’d never thought of — potentially a relocation to another country, like it could be anything, but if you keep your mind open, I think that’s when these opportunities just rise to the surface.
GRETA: Yeah, absolutely. And maybe here, Amy, do you have any questions? We didn’t say at the beginning, but obviously we would be very happy to address anything which you are interested in specifically.
AMY: So I really appreciate bringing in things that are creative, cuz I think when you have the scaffolding of your identity and a routine, it can be really hard to adjust to a transition. And so the way that both of you have brought in kind of like interesting, feel-good ways of just being in the world so you’re not like at home or isolated. And I love the way that both you, Claire, and you, Greta, have brought in just some really adaptable things also for any career change, you know? It could be for a mom, or for a politician, or for a business owner, whatever. Like, I just think it’s adaptable for all, so I just really appreciate the ways you’ve given some tactical things that someone can actually start doing today.
Um, so I want to say that I have one question and that is something that’s really hard. Like, having been a business owner, having been a political wife and doing a lot of political work, having done a lot of nonprofit and fundraising and all of that, when I became a mom — so then I shifted, you know, all my PR stuff, Director of PR of a major development and all of that, to nonprofit galas, hosting, you know, fundraising things at my house, things like that. Now I’m in LA and I don’t have the scaffolding of my social connections to be a part of all these galas and all that. People — here’s the question: People ask “What do you do?” And I literally in my mind, I’m like, “I don’t know yet.” But that’s not really necessarily the best response. And anyway, that’s my question. It’s hard to say. It’s like, well, what don’t I do on one hand, because I manage my finances, I manage my properties, I am looking for things, I’ve done so much. But yeah, I don’t know. It’s hard to find something that represents the entirety of who I am. You know, to your point, Claire, about like all the wisdom that you’ve acquired, and you, Greta, too — like all the things you’ve done make you who you are. And so you meet someone interesting, how do you encapsulate and represent that without it just being like “I don’t know”? I mean, I could be a bum on the beach like here to get a tan, but I’m not. So yeah, that’s the question. Thanks for fielding it.
GRETA: Yeah, absolutely. And Claire, do you mind if I take this one? Because at the beginning when I moved to LA, I always started that, “Well, I’m an immigrant, I’m new to LA,” and you know, for me it was — and I’m still struggling with that to be honest, this part of my identity. But then I had to think about it, “Okay, what does it mean to be an immigrant?” And then I realized that it means courage. It means that, you know, I’m just like an explorer and I’m, you know, I’m so many different things. I’m not just an immigrant. And slowly I started to move away from this introduction and I don’t say it anymore because I realized it’s just not relevant. And I’m like, I’m so many things, and you know, I had to adjust to every situation how I’m introducing myself. And in a way, I’m still in the probably in the camp where you are at, and oftentimes I just say that, you know, “I’m building — I’m actually like building my life in LA and it has many different parts. It has personal parts, it has professional parts.”
But honestly, and yeah, I will say it: It’s none of their business. And really, it’s none of their business. And so if you still don’t know, that’s okay, and that’s understandable because you are in transition and it takes time for you to figure it out. And for me, when it comes to my professional identity, I’m still figuring out like, am I a coach, am I a consultant, an advisor, whatever. And I don’t have one line — a perfect line — which helps me to introduce myself. So I always, as I said, I adjust to a specific situation. And when I don’t want to answer, because sometimes I’m like this — like, it’s none of your business and I don’t want to explain to you my whole life — I just say like, “I’m building my professional practice and you know, there are certain elements, this and this and that,” and I leave it there. And actually, I often use the tactic of coaching and ask a question and be curious to the other person. So once I learn more about my discussion partner, I actually can adjust how I further introduce myself or continue introducing myself. So I would say that, first of all, don’t feel pressured to answer that question. And if you want to answer, you can always, you know, say something in the lines that you are in transition or you are building something. And that’s okay, and that’s okay until you figure it out. Don’t worry about anybody else, just yourself — like, what makes you feel good and feel comfortable, and go with that. But I would, you know, I would give Claire an opportunity to reflect on this question as well and what I just said.
CLAIRE: Yes, thank you, Amy. This is a great question for us to end on. I would say, you know, I definitely echo Greta’s advice. I would say as women, we often feel pressure like to justify ourselves or our position, both when we’re in the workforce and outside. So I think we often put this pressure on ourselves like, “I have to come up with a good answer and it needs to be like this seamless one-line sentence or this elevator pitch,” as we’re often taught. And I think we put that pressure on ourselves — it’s not necessarily written anywhere, you know? So I think, you know, as a suggestion, you could — to Greta’s point — you can just say, “I’m a business owner. Tell me more about what you do.” Don’t feel like you have to spend like a few minutes kind of justifying all the different things that you do, because you already know your self-worth and your value and all of those things and what you bring to the world. And sometimes people are curiously asking this question as opposed to, you know, in a kind of a salesy way. So sometimes it’s interpreting like, what’s their intention? Are they going to try and sell you something, or is this just like a casual conversation where you met at a social or networking event? So hopefully that’s useful. I know we’re slightly over time, which is a good sign. Good sign.
AMY: Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate the follow. And I think — I know we’re done, but I just want to say I think for women, especially women over like 30 or whatever, it can sort of feel like, “I’m a complex human who’s lived an interesting life.” And so I want to have a good one-liner that represents all that I am. I don’t need to explain it, but I feel like it’s hard to find like a one sentence of — you know what I mean — that I’m not just a mother, or just a property owner, or just a whatever. And you’re right, Claire, like it’s not about — I know who I am, I don’t need the validation, but I think we all want to feel relevant, like we’re complex, interesting women and not like just a mom, or just an ex-wife, or just a — you know what I mean? And so I like to think about just because of also my age and feeling like someone who’s relevant and, you know, done some interesting things and therefore has interesting things to contribute to the world. So that’s where my question kind of comes from. But I really appreciate your answers, both of you. Thank you.
CLAIRE: Of course. Of course. Thank you everyone who joined today. We will be posting this recording on our YouTube channel. Stay tuned for our next, our third conversation. We usually put it out as a poll on LinkedIn and ask for some feedback, or if you’re watching this and you have a topic that you’d like for us to discuss, just send us a DM on LinkedIn and we’d be happy to consider it. So thank you very much and we’ll see you in the next one.
GRETA: Thank you so much. Bye-bye.