You’re at a networking event. Or a school pickup. Or a friend’s birthday party. Someone you’ve just met turns to you with a bright, casual smile and asks the question: “So, what do you do?”
And you freeze.
If you’re between jobs, in a career transition, building something new, or simply not ready to summarize your entire professional life into one neat sentence, that question can feel like a tiny ambush. I hear it from clients almost every week, and it came up so clearly in a recent conversation I had with leadership coach Greta Petrushka that I wanted to write a whole piece about it.
In the clip above, you’ll hear our guest Amy ask Greta and me exactly this question: “how do you introduce yourself when you don’t have a clean title to point at?” What follows in this article is the fuller answer, expanded into the practical toolkit I wish every woman had before she walked into her next event.
Why “What Do You Do?” Hits Different When You’re in Transition
The question itself is almost always asked innocently. It’s a social shorthand, especially in the U.S., and especially on the West Coast. In the US, especially in the Bay Area, work is woven so tightly into identity that “Who do you work for?” is often the very first thing someone asks at a party. I moved to Silicon Valley after years in Europe, and the directness of it took me a long time to get used to.
But when you’re between jobs, or in the middle of a long, uncertain pivot, that little question stops being small talk. It activates a much bigger one: who am I if I’m not what I used to be?
Greta, who spent 13 years at McKinsey before moving to the U.S. and finding herself unexpectedly unemployed two days after her relocation, described the experience as her whole identity-building collapsing overnight. The next day, no one was calling. There was no title to lean on.
Two points I want to make. First, you don’t feel like you have to justify yourself and summarize everything in one elevator pitch line, it’s just the start of the conversation. Second, with just a small amount of preparation, you can walk into any room with an answer you actually feel good about, and you don’t have to wait until you have a new job to do it.
If your inner monologue has been spinning on this for weeks, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Coaching gives you a structured space to find an answer that feels both honest and confident.
The Mistake Most People Make at Networking Events
When we don’t know how to answer “what do you do?”, most of us reach for one of two scripts, and neither one works well.
The first is the apology script: “Oh, well, I was at [Big Company] for ten years, but I left a few months ago, and I’m sort of figuring out what’s next, and…” The energy of the apology lands before the words do. The person across from you receives the message that this is an uncomfortable topic and they should change the subject. They usually do.
The second is the over-explanation script: a two-minute monologue covering every project, side hustle, freelance gig, and “I’m also exploring…” you can fit into one breath. It’s the opposite problem. You’re trying so hard to prove you’re not just sitting at home that you lose the thread of who you actually are. The listener will lose the thread too.
The good news is there’s a third option, and it has nothing to do with having a perfect title. It’s about leading with what you’re building, not what you’ve lost.
Five Ways to Answer “What Do You Do?” Without Flinching
These are the reframes I use with clients, and several of them came directly from the conversation with Greta. Try them out loud before your next event.
1. Lead with what you’re building, not what you used to be
Instead of “I used to be at Google,” try “I’m building my next chapter, currently exploring [the space you’re curious about].” The word building is doing real work here. It signals momentum, choice, and direction without requiring a title. It also invites a follow-up question that you control.
Formula: “I’m building my next chapter — currently exploring [the space you’re curious about].”
2. Borrow the courage reframe
Greta said something in our conversation that stuck with me. When she first moved to LA and felt stuck introducing herself as “an immigrant,” she eventually realized that being an immigrant actually means courage and curiosity — and she didn’t have to stop at the label. The same is true for “between jobs” or “in transition.” Those phrases carry hidden strengths: clarity, intention, the willingness to choose something better instead of staying in something that no longer fit. You’re allowed to lead with the strength, not the gap.
Formula: “I’m in transition — choosing what comes next instead of staying in something that no longer fit.”
3. Use a value or an impact, not a title
If your job for ten years was “Senior HR Business Partner,” your title was the container. Your contribution was the thing inside the container. The contribution travels with you. Try “I help leaders build healthier teams,” or “I work with companies on people strategy,” or “I help senior women navigate big career decisions.” A value-based or impact-based answer doesn’t require a current employer, and it tends to be far more memorable than any title would have been anyway. It’s also a lot easier to understand for people who aren’t directly in the space.
Formula: “I help [who you serve] with [the meaningful thing you do for them].”
4. Turn the question back with genuine curiosity
This is one of my favorites and it works beautifully. “What about you, what brings you to this event?” Two things happen. You release yourself from the spotlight, and you collect information about the person across from you that helps you tailor whatever you choose to share next.
5. Give yourself permission to say “It’s not really one thing” – most people will follow where you lead them
If you don’t want to explain your whole life to a stranger at a party, you don’t have to. Greta put it bluntly in our conversation: it’s actually none of their business. You can wrap that boundary in a warm tone: “Right now it’s a mix of personal and professional things I’m working on, none of which fit neatly on a business card” and then move the conversation along. Most people will respect the boundary and follow where you lead them.
What to Say in Three Real-World Scenarios
The reframes above are flexible, but it helps to see what they sound like in actual conversations. Here are three of the most common settings my clients find themselves in.
At a casual networking event: “I’m in a transition right now, I left [industry or company] a few months ago and I’m exploring [the next space]. What about you?”
At a school event, kids’ birthday party, or social gathering: “Honestly, I’m in the middle of figuring out my next chapter. It’s been a really interesting season. What about your work?”
When a former colleague or industry peer asks: “I left [company] in [month]. I’m taking some time to be intentional about what comes next, instead of jumping straight into the first thing. I’d actually love your perspective, what are you seeing in the market?”
Notice what’s true across all three: a short, calm sentence about where you are, no apology, and a redirect that opens up the conversation. You’re not hiding anything. You’re just refusing to let one question put you on the defensive when there is no need to be.
What Not to Say (and What to Say Instead)
A few specific phrases come up over and over in client sessions, and almost all of them quietly diminish the person saying them. Here’s a quick reference of the most common ones, the swap I’d reach for, and why the second version lands better in the room.
| What I’d avoid saying | What I’d say instead | Why I prefer it |
|---|---|---|
| “I’m unemployed right now.” | “I’m a [Profession] in transition exploring my next opportunity.” | “Unemployed” is a payroll status. “In transition” is a decision. The second one invites a follow-up question; the first one closes the conversation. |
| “I used to be a [Title].” | “My background is in [Field].” | “Used to” makes your experience sound retired. “Background” makes it foundational — something you still carry into whatever comes next. |
| “I’m just doing a bit of freelance / consulting on the side.” | “I’m consulting with [client type] on [project type].” | The word “just” diminishes the very thing you’re spending your days on. Drop it. Your work is the work, even if the structure is new. |
| “I don’t really know what I’m doing right now.” | “I’m exploring roles in [Industry A] and [Industry B].” | The first answer makes the listener uncomfortable. The second gives them something they can actually help with — an introduction, a perspective, a referral. |
| “I got laid off from [Company].” | “I left [Company] earlier this year. I’m taking time to be intentional about what’s next.” | You don’t owe a stranger the layoff story. Save the longer version for people who have earned it. |
If you’d like a thought partner to help you refine your own version of these scripts — and the deeper confidence underneath them — that’s exactly the work we do together in coaching.
What to Do When the Question Still Throws You
Even with a rehearsed answer, the freeze can come back. Here’s a small set of practices that help.
Practice out loud before the event. Reading your answer in your head is not the same as saying it. Stand in front of a mirror, in the car, or to a partner, and say your line a few times. The mouth needs to know the shape of the words before the pressure of the room is on you.
Let your body lead. Stand a little taller, soften your shoulders, smile slightly before the words come. The other person’s brain reads your body language before they process the sentence. Calm body, calm question.
Have a self-compassionate fallback. If you fumble the answer entirely, that’s fine. “Honestly? I’m still finding the right one-liner for this season of my life.” lands as honest and human. Most people will appreciate it more than a polished pitch. You might also get some great ideas.
The Inner Work Required
Here’s the part I want to be honest about. You can rehearse all the right phrases, and they will still feel a little hollow if underneath them you don’t actually believe your worth lives somewhere other than your old job title.
That deeper work, separating your sense of self from your resume, is its own piece. And I’ve written about it in much more depth over here: Decoupling Self-Worth from Job Success During Career Change. If “what do you do?” keeps catching you off guard, the surface answer is a script. The lasting answer is rebuilding the part of you that knows it doesn’t need the script to be okay.
In the meantime, every time you practice one of the reframes above and notice the freeze loosening a little, that’s the work happening in real time.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I say at networking events when I don’t have a job title?
Lead with what you’re building, not what you’ve lost. A short, calm answer lands far better than an apology or an over-explanation.
How do I answer “What do you do?” when I was laid off and I’m still emotional about it?
Give yourself permission not to share the layoff at all in casual settings. “I left [company] earlier this year, and I’m taking time to be intentional about my next move” is honest and complete. The fuller story is for people you trust, not for someone who just asked a small-talk question. If the grief is still close to the surface, our piece on career transition anxiety may help, too.
Should I have a different answer for different settings?
Yes, and most people do this naturally for every other topic in their lives. Your answer at an industry conference can be a little more detailed than your answer at a neighbor’s barbecue. Practice two or three versions so you’re not improvising under pressure.
How long will it take before “what do you do?” stops feeling stressful?
It usually gets easier within a few weeks of consistent practice, partly because you’ve rehearsed the answer, and partly because each conversation that goes well builds evidence that you’re more than your last title. The shift is gradual, but it’s real, and almost every client I’ve worked with describes the relief on the other side.
Final Thoughts
“What do you do?” is going to keep coming up. There’s no avoiding it. But the question doesn’t have to keep catching you off guard.
The women I work with who navigate this best aren’t the ones with the cleverest scripts. They’re the ones who have done a little preparation, who have made peace with the fact that they’re in a chapter that doesn’t fit on a business card, and who lead with curiosity about the person in front of them. You can get there too, and probably sooner than you think.
If you want help building the version of this that’s specifically yours, I’d love to be part of the conversation.
You don’t have to figure out the perfect answer on your own. Let’s talk it through together on a free, no-pressure call.